Damn

2nite i kip askin myself y dO u lOve me?
i feel like im nOthin.
nO 1 reali knOes me.
wat is it u see in me?
im nOt pretty.
im nOt gOod.
im nOt beautiful.
im nOt smart.
sO y dO u lOve me?

sent on 11.02.05 around midnite to +6738...... hehe. secret. nah. i sent it to my lovely angel. i dunno. i started crying again last night. no idea why. was just thinking of us. thinking of the past. i never did want to throw the past away. without the past, i wouldn't be what i am today. i wouldn't have learned from all my mistakes.

i may have hated the past. but i can never rid of it. but sometimes it just hurts to remember it again. how i got hurt. i am what i am today because of all the people who made me this way.
some never really did love me. some never really did appreciate me for who i really am. some abused me. some just used me.

i know there are still people who love me. i might be selfish and ignorant not to think of them but i can't help it. i always crave those who don't covert for me. i was blind not to see their true colours behind the forests of delights and kindness. no one is an angel here. angels are in heaven. pure. the world is full of hybrids of angels and demons. i just kept on seeing angels then. i never gave a chance to search for the demon in them.

sayang, if u read this. you may be a demon. you may be an angel. but to me, you will always be MYangel or demon. i love you. don't leave me here to die alone.

much lOve + hate
- d e m -